L'autoLacan™ Kunstec™ Semiotec™ Motels

"We found a wonderfully Cornwallised source for all our artwriting needs. Fast and reliable, it was a pleasant surprise to receive such rapid results to our request for an overview of our research proposal. We filled out our needs through a referral to the Kunstec™ database. It followed through with a nice, clean well-orchestrated neo-correct proposal that produced immediate big Euro results from fifteen international public funding bodies. Bingo!" - Tayto et Tayto, Monte Carlo

Wow, wow and thrice wow! What a great service; my thematic discourse arrived just minutes before I was due to launch the Biennial press conference. Although some of the punctuation was missing, there was no quibble when I raised the issue, and a replacement semi colon was hastily dispatched. Many thanks!"- Utter Metabowie, Las Vegas

Excellent service, received my noiresque text the day before I ordered. I would definitely use the Kunstec™ again and again and again and again and again, and would recommend to Shaver's Weekly magazine. Result!" - Alexandr Petrovsky, NYC, New Jersey

"For Christmas, I asked Mom to order a text on the latest work I was sort of thinking about putting together, probably a stick lying casually against a wall, nothing too, well...nothing too, you know...... Maybe with a bit of grease stained paper or something lying nearby and some other shit too. OMG! Well. I guess. Before I could shotgun another bottle of Louis Roederer Cristal I got a 3,250 word review all about the fractured self and the contingency of the object sent straight to my Vertu - followed by offers to exhibit in every continent. I hadn't even made the work. WaAA! Well my assistants are now churning this pish out faster than they can fart. Now all my glas-gay chums are using the same text about their work. Even more bang for your buck. OMG!" Canastasia Palmtree, Glasgow.

Excellent delivery times, thanks, unfortunately the text, which was intended to be used in an issue of my magazine for middle class agitational propagandists, was peppered with foul language and not able to be used because the wife complained that it stung her eyes. Is this normal?
Lord Falkland, Leith

Counterrevolutionary Semiotec™ 'drive-thru-rev-u'™ system | Low cost criticism outsourced | Cheap business criticism | Neologisms used for dramatic effect | Critique too cheap to meter | Full evaluation and assessment of your practice(s) | Cheap 'critical' critique | Illusion of creative satisfaction guaranteed or your money spent | Unbeatable crit rates for 'emerging' creatives | Historical and critical service provider and management | Handwritten ingredients | Reduce criticism bills | For all your annual reportage needs | High yield language | Reversable Utopic / Dystopic sentiments options available | Semiotic investigation company | All quality metatheory | Hassle free single crit bill | Free research estimates for Scandinavian artists | Guraunteed English language compliant | Customised scribery | Worried about only being written about by curators? | Appreciation outsourcing | Imagine your practice vindicated with one hassle free application of radical veneer | Cheaper European crits | Cheaper international wordsmithery (cash only) | Low rate same-day analysis | Cheaper review bill | Trope rentals considered | Compare writing prices | Can supply and proof read if necessary | Reduce my catalogue text bill | Reliable cheaper diatribes | All call centres based at the end of telephone line | Flabby metaphors fully probed | Critique delivered to your door by email | Full obligation appraisal | All writing comes with three week guarantee within three weeks | No studio visits | Small jobs charged more | No turds polished | Careers at Kunstec™